And Can It Be That I Should Gain?
Chapter 1
of my Journey of Faith in Jesus
And Can It BeThat I should gain
An Interest In The Saviour's Blood?
1 Corinthians 13:11New King James Version
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child
I am the middle child in our family of three siblings, with Rose and Bill being my older sister and younger brother.
In the picture I am seated in a converted battery box which my dad altered to make a tiny chair
As a child I knew I was well loved by my parents and I found it easy to understand the greater love of our Heavenly Father. I have always been grateful for the love I experienced as I was growing up.
I have memories from very young of going to church as a family.
To the Anglican St Mary's Church in Potchefstroom.
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St Mary's is a beautiful old stone church with stained glass windows built like a little church in England
It is the oldest Anglican church in the Transvaal, now Gauteng, with its original cornerstone dating back to 1867, the stone church was built in 1881.
An interesting link with the Royal family in England was that part of the carpet used at Westminster Cathedral for the coronation of Queen Elizabeth 11 in 1953 was presented to St Mary's which was the oldest Anglican church in the Tvl and it hangs on the church wall.
An interesting link with the Royal family in England was that part of the carpet used at Westminster Cathedral for the coronation of Queen Elizabeth 11 in 1953 was presented to St Mary's which was the oldest Anglican church in the Tvl and it hangs on the church wall.
The church has a welcoming covered porch to the entrance which was on the side of the church where many meaningful conversations happened, and lifelong friendships were established.
It was in this church that I experienced my first touch of God's grace on my life.
The biblical stories depicted in the beautiful old stained glass windows held my attention through many services and I learnt of the depth of the stories conveyed through them
When in 2010, I visited St Andrews Anglican church in Cobham I was fascinated to find that the carved wooden screen that separated the choir and altar from the pews was very similar to the one at St Mary's, so similar that it could have been made by the same guild of craftsmen.
When in 2010, I visited St Andrews Anglican church in Cobham I was fascinated to find that the carved wooden screen that separated the choir and altar from the pews was very similar to the one at St Mary's, so similar that it could have been made by the same guild of craftsmen.
To get to St Mary's, we walked the short distance from our house in New Market Street along the lanes between the shops in Church Road to AutoLane. It was along this route that I experienced many precious times of prayer. This road is now called Oliver Tambo Road
As a child (maybe I was 5 or 6) I remember a time when my parents had long evening discussions in our home with our Anglican minister, Rev Noel Aldridge who was a tall dark haired slender man with a very loving wife. These meetings may have been Bible Studies as preparation for confirmation or full membership to the church. We traveled to Ventersdorp and Krugersdorp for the service of adult confirmation for my parents. There was an air of tremendous importance of this occasion in our home.
Mrs Grant used to play the organ. To me, she was always really old as she had white hair and she rode to church on her equally old bike and played the organ (an ancient pedal organ) at every service, peddling whenever there was a power-cut .
One hymn that was regularly played was Onward Christian Soldiers, you can listen to it being played if you click on the link below. I loved it.
Another hymn that was played regularly each Easter was There is a green hill. Here is a link to that but our singing could never match the singing here but my heart sang with all enthusiasm as I began to understand and believe. I still love this hymn and can remember my heart being moved by singing it,
Sunday School
I remember my first Sunday School teacher who was a daughter of Alice Vermeulen. She would come to our home to fetch us on some Sundays, she would give us little green books for our attendance stamps or stickers and tell us the Bible stories beautifully. We would be always be dressed in our Sunday best, a pretty little dress of our favourite colour (blue for Rose and green for me) with a big bow at the back. These dresses were only worn on Sundays, with a pretty little bonnet type hat, white ankle socks and shiny shoes and usually a little plastic handbag for our collection. We felt special when we went to church.
When Clare and Nick moved to CT I met a young man in their church who was the grandson of this kind teacher, and it was good to know that her Christian influence had come through the generations of her family to him. Her mother was a good friend to my mother.
This is a picture of Rose dressed for church
We would all sit in the front pews of the church and then go out with our teachers after the first few hymns. I remember that Margaret C hapman, the daughter of a new Scottish electrician employed by my dad sat alongside me one Sunday and was bored and not listening, she poked me painfully in the eye, but I was confused by her attitude and did not understand why she was not more interested in the Bible story being told.
This was the first time that I understood that choice comes after the call and that not all choose to follow.
Primary School
I remember Mr M artindale, the primary school headmaster and the sincere and valuable morning devotions he would give at assembly in his gruff and yet friendly manner and voice, but in very well thought out stories linked to Bible stories to help us grow in our belief.
I remember the lively singing led by Mrs C ourtney who was a active member of the Methodist church.
http://youtu.be/8xRWWG2Wuds
There was a worldwide revival in the Methodist church in the 50's with refreshed understanding of the Holy Spirit with young Oral Robert's early preaching part1 and part 2 - 4
Both these teachers shared with conviction. Their deep faith in Jesus was shared and witnessed by the Methodist ministers Stan Upton and later in high school by David Jones.
Mrs Courtney taught me in Std 2 and she would teach us Wesley hymns and then finish with the
Lord’s prayer and she conveyed much of its meaning to us and the importance of a prayerful heart.
(We played this LP often at home)
She taught us to sing with depth of sincerity
Mr M artindale would emphasize scripture teaching to us all:
It does not matter if you win or loose but what matters is how you play the game.
He would tell the story of the farmer who returned to his three servants with their talents and he said to the first two: Well done you good and faithful servant.
The parable of sower was another that he liked to tell us at assembly and I remember being in awe of the one who got to sharing with 100.
Those lessons were important in my formative years of faith.
I asked for and was given a camera for our overseas trip in 1958
Those lessons were important in my formative years of faith.
I asked for and was given a camera for our overseas trip in 1958
Pictures taken when our family traveled to the UK and Europe that year
After my Gran, (my grandfather's sister) Caroline F orman from 118 Nicolson Road died, my mom found items from her possessions which showed a strong Christian heritage in our ancestry. Parts of the family attended the Louth and Lincoln Cathedrals. My great grand father had been the Sunday School Leader in Lincoln Cathedral and the family Bible from that time is now in my care.
I remember a friendship that my dad had with Stan Upton the Methodist minister and how their golf days turned into long discussions. We traveled with them on the Athlone Castle
and met up with them on our overseas trip to the UK and Europe in Carlisle and had a happy day looking at the castle and visiting the Cathedral.
Here we are outside Carlisle Castle.
His last church to minister at was Fish Hoek Methodist
His last church to minister at was Fish Hoek Methodist
I remember listening to the regular sermons preached on the car radio as we traveled to visit my dad's father and sister in Kliptown/Jhb. I was challenged by what I heard and would feel disappointed if the program was changed.
We went to Sunday School regularly and learnt foundational truths.
Chapter 2
Died He For Me Who Caused His Pain?
Confirmation lessons in my Standard 9 year went on for a full year in the school classroom closest to Miss Moore’s office.
We all sat and took notes endlessly on the Ten Commandments. At the time I felt that Rev L ovely had no ability to communicate adequately on his subject. I could not understand why he did not move on to other sections of the Bible.
This video clip is just 4 minutes long
The Ten Commandments
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Confirmation lessons initially meant little to me except copying copious notes from the board, but he covered the teaching very thoroughly. Towards the end Rev Lovely went on leave and an elderly minister came in to relieve him.
He was a wonderful elderly Spirit-filled minister took over for a period of a few months.
I am so sorry that I cant remember his name
He sang this scripture as one who was standing on Holy ground
Holy Holy Holy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWndDW_271g&feature=related
He would preach without notes, he would not use the pulpit but would walk down the aisle as he preached and he was wonderful to listen to. He was on fire, he radiated the love and light of Jesus. At evensong he would have the lights dimmed while he preached and he would speak with great strength and power and yet with gentleness and kindness.
John Ortberg writes, "that some people seem to have a kind of inner radar for detecting the presence of God. Just as certain musicians have perfect pitch, these people have an ear for discerning God's voice. They seem to be as aware of God as they are of gravity." This retired minister was one of these people and I learnt to thirst for God in a new way as I listened to his sermons.
I found his sermons bringing truth and light to what had come before. Our organist Mrs Grant who lived on the corner opposite the museum and rode to church on her bike way into her 80s was alight with his preaching and would discuss the sermons after church with Dianne Walker and Alice Vermeulen and my parents. She would also visit our home regularly.
Confirmation time, I was dressed in white as were all the girls, with a new gold chain and little cross round my neck. We stood in line waiting for our turn to receive a blessing from the Bishop. I remember clearly standing in that row, with the ornately carved wooden arch ahead of us.
I remember praying a sincere, short and simple prayer before I got to the front of the queue and having God’s grace and love flow into me like a warm abundant shower. I was so filled with His Love by my turn that I knew the blessing of our Living God well before the Bishop put his hand on my head.
Blessed assurance Jesus is mine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5E1gWdW3P8
God is good. Lord I thank you for all that is past and trust you for all that is to come.
I taught for years in the Sunday School when I was in High School. I was very quiet and and thought of as shy, yet I felt this was very important to do. Margie Smith and I taught together for a while and then on our own. She is a lay preacher now as is Ivan Schutte who taught the older boys. Bill helped as a server for a number of years.
I have clear memories of praying as I walked home alone after teaching Sunday School, through the lanes between the shops towards our house. I often marveled at the recognition that those prayers were answered by the next week’s walk home.
I remember being confused at the immediate interest at home in the Sunday newspapers in the hours after church and saw it as an intrusion and almost a replacement of what we had just learned and experienced of God’s place in our world.
After that my memories are of the Methodist minister David Jones who was a brilliant preacher .
As Rev Lovely had returned to our church but without the LIFE of this powerful preacher.
I went with Margy Smith across to Methodist Church for the evening sermons to hear David J ones even as we were both teaching Sunday School at the morning services at the Anglican St Marys.
There was meaning in what we were teaching and in what we learnt
Build your house on the Lord
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDhaAWHjVRM
The giving and receiving
The sowing and reaping
The prayers and the blessings
Build your house upon the Rock
Later in our final year of school, Margy Smith and I went to both morning and evening services together. We found those services really good and I remember David Jones unusual pitch of voice as he preached sermons that were quite brilliant. There was always enough to keep you thinking all week and never wanting to miss the next service. The singing at the Methodist was wonderful compared to St Mary's at the time
Chapter 3
Amazing Love, How Can It Be?
Early days in 10 New Market Street
My dad bought this house and moved in while my mom was in the Nursing Home giving birth to me
My Dad had a wonderful way with his family, I have memories of him singing happily as he drove us to school (before we started to go by bike).
I remember him singing as he held my hand under his while he changed gear in the green Ford truck
Somehow he always had us feeling we were very special to him
One of his favorite songs was "Oh what a beautiful morning"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNEUtN21cuU
He always involved us in his work by asking us to pass him the right sized spanner or discussed whatever he needed and enjoyed our relationships when it would have been easier for him to exclude us in order to get the job done at his own pace. Bill learnt so much from our Dad in this way.
Beach holidays were always spontaneous
I understand now that it would have been linked to school holidays and a quiet week at work
but holidays away were an important part of being together as a family
Usually my Dad bought a caravan just before the holidays and sold it soon after
I have memories of having a happy time together
Of being useful in making it a wonderful family time
My mom and Dad worked well together as a team
My mom 'did the books' for the business and my Dad was the practical one
We never heard them argue
They spoke to one another with love and respect
Qualities that I have since learnt, are not in every family but those qualities strengthened us all
and the future generations too
My Mom was the swimmer but my Dad always joined in
While I was away from Potch my Dad continued to loose strength, he was very ill with emphysema caused by his continual smoking and .
On 13 Feb 1966, in my first term in my first year of teaching he died.
Then death and grief and the unthinkable loss set in, that which was beyond my control happened. No doctor could help, no minister ministered, no comfort comforted me, no relief from the cruel knife of grief that turned harshly in my middle for months, then years and reduced me to many periods of sobbing on my bed, alone and very lost
I have memories of the horror on my Mom's face when she was stopped in the street and told that "It" would get worse before "it" would get better, the only grief counselling available in those years
A new and elderly burned out minister arrived that year and it was he who took the empty and meaningless funeral service.
Then death and grief and the unthinkable loss set in, that which was beyond my control happened. No doctor could help, no minister ministered, no comfort comforted me, no relief from the cruel knife of grief that turned harshly in my middle for months, then years and reduced me to many periods of sobbing on my bed, alone and very lost
I have memories of the horror on my Mom's face when she was stopped in the street and told that "It" would get worse before "it" would get better, the only grief counselling available in those years
A new and elderly burned out minister arrived that year and it was he who took the empty and meaningless funeral service.
When we took my Dad’s clothes to the manse to give to the poor, he was vague and did not recognize us and I remember being upset and angered by his response of indifference at his front door. I did not like the man.
I struggled with unresolved grief for ten years and would not like anyone I love to go through grief like that when there is an answer for us all.
Love and respect.
Andrew first gave me some of John Piper's books to read in 2009 and I have been learning from John Piper since then. I discovered his sermons on the internet when I was in England, going to bed early with Lawrence.This one was preached in Feb 2011.
John Piper sermon
I met Ken in Feb 1968.
Pat and I had gone on Dr Plekker's tour of Europe.
We were then invited to a reunion party in Jhb with the group we had traveled with
Pat had invited her cousin Ian to accompany us but as his friend Ken from Zambia was with him for an overnight stay en route to Cape Town it was arranged that he would come with us to the party
We were in a big group all evening. I remember Ken's singing and as we left, Ken asked if he could write to me. He did not write my address down and I dismissed ever hearing from him because he could not even pronounce Potchefstroom, so I doubted that he would remember, but I was yet to learn about his brilliant memory.
Within two weeks he brought his parents to Potch to meet me. My mom (Gran) had gone to the East on a cruise with Willi's mother (Nonna) and I was staying in the school hostel for the term and teaching while she was away, so it was arranged that we would meet at Pat's house. Ken had fetched his parents from Cape Town on their arrival from the UK to visit him for six months and had cut their planned tour of the Kruger National Park short to include Potch (and me)
We were then invited to a reunion party in Jhb with the group we had traveled with
Pat had invited her cousin Ian to accompany us but as his friend Ken from Zambia was with him for an overnight stay en route to Cape Town it was arranged that he would come with us to the party
We were in a big group all evening. I remember Ken's singing and as we left, Ken asked if he could write to me. He did not write my address down and I dismissed ever hearing from him because he could not even pronounce Potchefstroom, so I doubted that he would remember, but I was yet to learn about his brilliant memory.
Within two weeks he brought his parents to Potch to meet me. My mom (Gran) had gone to the East on a cruise with Willi's mother (Nonna) and I was staying in the school hostel for the term and teaching while she was away, so it was arranged that we would meet at Pat's house. Ken had fetched his parents from Cape Town on their arrival from the UK to visit him for six months and had cut their planned tour of the Kruger National Park short to include Potch (and me)
Then they returned to Zambia and Ken's letter arrived
The shock came - I received Ken’s letter about his first marriage.
This arrived soon after our second meeting.
My faith and church did not allow or entertain the possibility of second marriages
I was ready to end this very short lived relationship.
I needed to answer his letter and tell him
I prayed for direction, I parked the car as I prayed.
Parked below a block of flats and waited for God to respond. I was very upset.
The shock came - I received Ken’s letter about his first marriage.
This arrived soon after our second meeting.
My faith and church did not allow or entertain the possibility of second marriages
I was ready to end this very short lived relationship.
I needed to answer his letter and tell him
I prayed for direction, I parked the car as I prayed.
Parked below a block of flats and waited for God to respond. I was very upset.
Then I heard without doubt - Not what I expected: I want you to love Ken FOR ME.
This held some turmoil for me but I had also come to recognize the still quiet voice of God
A voice of peace and assurance.
Ken needed to know he was loved by our Heavenly Father
and I was to be part of his story
I did not fully understand that answer for many many years.
I often thought privately and with a good level of immaturity that if the love of God was to be earned I stood ahead of Ken in the queue because of years of faith,
(I still had to learn of humility)
but over and over again throughout our marriage I heard the same instruction.
I want you to love Ken FOR ME.
Our Heavenly Father wanted Ken to understand His love for Him, and this was to come to him among other ways, through me.
I obeyed, knowing about obedience to the Lord, even though sometimes I found it hard to do this.
As Ken had little need of God at the time he did not fully understand how hard this was for me.
But Ken's kindness was a strong contributing factor in our marriage, his wonderful laugh and amazing capacity to recall the most relevant links to anything that happened in sport, politics, music, history, geography and anything that cropped up socially or in conversation with me or simply commenting on the news. He loved his children dearly and really delighted in them even though he was not of the generation to be hands on with meals, baths or dressing. He liked to correct their speech and always had interesting conversations with them.
John Piper
http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/jesus-is-the-resurrection-and-the-life#.Tnez1E0qvGY.blogger
In time as Ken recognized the relationship with our Heavenly Father that I clung to throughout our marriage, Ken would ask me to pray about matters that were important to us both and later his own commitment to Jesus was fulfilled and complete.
Praise be to God
I am ever grateful that we lived to enjoy years of shared faith in the body of the church together.
I am so grateful to the Lord for sending the right man in Ingbert M isselhorn to Westville for Ken to relate to after some years of avoiding the preaching that he found alienated him from the church
Ingbert's wide knowledge of similar subjects that Ken enjoyed and his easy sense of humour drew Ken to a new understanding and depth of faith and belief.
When his 'innings' was over he knew Who he would meet.
What a mighty God we serve
Please click on the link:
What a mighty God we serve
I often thought privately and with a good level of immaturity that if the love of God was to be earned I stood ahead of Ken in the queue because of years of faith,
(I still had to learn of humility)
but over and over again throughout our marriage I heard the same instruction.
I want you to love Ken FOR ME.
Our Heavenly Father wanted Ken to understand His love for Him, and this was to come to him among other ways, through me.
I obeyed, knowing about obedience to the Lord, even though sometimes I found it hard to do this.
As Ken had little need of God at the time he did not fully understand how hard this was for me.
But Ken's kindness was a strong contributing factor in our marriage, his wonderful laugh and amazing capacity to recall the most relevant links to anything that happened in sport, politics, music, history, geography and anything that cropped up socially or in conversation with me or simply commenting on the news. He loved his children dearly and really delighted in them even though he was not of the generation to be hands on with meals, baths or dressing. He liked to correct their speech and always had interesting conversations with them.
John Piper
http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/jesus-is-the-resurrection-and-the-life#.Tnez1E0qvGY.blogger
In time as Ken recognized the relationship with our Heavenly Father that I clung to throughout our marriage, Ken would ask me to pray about matters that were important to us both and later his own commitment to Jesus was fulfilled and complete.
Praise be to God
I am ever grateful that we lived to enjoy years of shared faith in the body of the church together.
I am so grateful to the Lord for sending the right man in Ingbert M isselhorn to Westville for Ken to relate to after some years of avoiding the preaching that he found alienated him from the church
Ingbert's wide knowledge of similar subjects that Ken enjoyed and his easy sense of humour drew Ken to a new understanding and depth of faith and belief.
When his 'innings' was over he knew Who he would meet.
What a mighty God we serve
Please click on the link:
What a mighty God we serve
Our wedding day was our eighth time of meeting over a period of 11 months.
We chose to get married at the Methodist church as the Anglican Church would not marry us with this being Ken's second marriage. The Methodist minister was Rev Harris, a father of a little boy in my class that year. He asked us to a rehearsal and meeting the day before the wedding as we had just returned from spending Christmas with the family in Durban.
He went through the promises. I remember the shock of hearing Ken tell Rev Harris that he would make the marriage promises to me but as he did not believe in Jesus he could not make these promises to Jesus.
Rev Harris was most gracious and wise. He thanked Ken for his honesty, told him of how most young men would not admit to their lack of faith at a time like this and he told Ken that his honesty gave him (Rev Harris) an opportunity to know how to pray for him.
I was shattered by the unexpected admission but went into our wedding day holding the knowledge of the guidance I had received, very close and prayerfully to my heart, and very aware that this gave my walk of faith a huge new challenge.
Psalm 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_R7DnMc2I&feature=player_embedded
Psalm 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_R7DnMc2I&feature=player_embedded
As a deer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVQmZCK4Fiw
At our wedding ceremony as we came up to the communion rail for prayer
I remember making a very deep promise and commitment to God
that I acknowledged that I might not be able to continue my walk of faith as before with regular church attendance
but
I promised God in silent prayer to return to Him in time WITH Ken.
We were very happily married in Lusaka, we had much to learn about one another and life was very different to life at home in Potch. I had lived in the same street all my life, just moved to a mirror image of our house at no 10 to a house which could be built on and extended at no 14 during my primary school years. My Dad moved us into the house in September 1944 and I was away for teacher training and my first year of teaching and then I came back to teach at Potch C entral until we married on 4th January 1969.
We had different priorities to those that I had known on all the Sundays of my life. There were churches in Lusaka, but we never entered one. We never attended a service. I knew that in time as a married couple we would, and there was a real emptiness in part of my life that came with not going to church and being part of the church community.
Weekends were filled with social activities, friends invited us round and relationships were formed quickly and happily. People from every country were all in Zambia on contract and they all knew that if they procrastinated in forming friendships, their time in Zambia would be over and they would have missed this unique opportunity.
We went to Lake Kariba on most week ends. We had a shared speed boat which we used for skiing in the days before the owners of a crocodile farm thoughtlessly let all their crocs go into the lake when they moved from Zambia. We watched/played sport at the Lusaka Club. Ken played hockey and we played tennis together and socialized at the club afterwards.
Ken participated in meetings each week and enjoyed navigating in the motor rallies at the Motor Club. He encouraged me to join him in a few rallies which were fun.
Time was spent socializing with other young people who were in Lusaka for a short number of years and some lifelong friendships were made.
I taught a class of 10 year old girls at the Dominican Convent in Lusaka and learnt to love them. Children of every race and culture, all in the same class, even their uniforms came in three colours so that they would look good in the colour of their choice...
Even though our family prided themselves in being fair to the black people in Potch I quickly learnt a new respect for people of other races as there is always more to learn as you get to know people as real people and not just as the other group. Ingbert is doing a series right now on how the healed blind man claimed at first to be able to see people as trees and then after the next touch from Jesus he could see them as people. This is a wonderful lesson on seeing people as Jesus sees them, with empathy and willingness to understand them on a new level.
That may have been how God worked in me at that time.
I was far from Him but I did learn.
Our time for growth in Him was still to come.
Roy was a very argumentative young man and seemed intent on pushing all the buttons to get sparks flying with Ken at family meals in North Wales. I was unused to that level of aggressive discussion at table and found this along with their unusual (to me) diet, always of large helpings, most distressing and I was pleased when it was time to sail back to SA and to settle down and find jobs in Durban.
Ken worked for IBM and put in long hours
I started an easy post at Manor Gardens as I taught the top age group in the new school and there were only 7 in the class.
I received a full paycheck for enjoying the 5 boys and 2 girls in my class.
This was a huge change to the classes of 40+ that I was used to teaching.
During that year I fell pregnant with Ruth and we bought 16 Princess Anne Place and moved in
We went out and bought all we needed in the way of furniture and furnishings.
Ken delighted me with a new Bernina and I started making curtains and he helped by supporting the weight of the fabric over the side of the table as I sewed.
In 1971 I taught Sub Bs and stopped just before Ruth's due date
Getting back into church attendance was important to me and St Elizabeth the Anglican church held great appeal -
We went to the Easter and Christmas services only.
During those services Ken would struggle with the Anglican traditions and would mutter audibly about the reading of the prayers, the continual kneeling and standing, the poor singing and the prescribed words spoken by the congregation. He did not like church and he let me know, most times really painfully. I was disappointed and confused as to how to make this work for both of us.
This negative attitude made going to church regularly not an option during this season of our lives together.
Ruth was born and we arranged for her Christening at six weeks. The day was very important to Ken and he chose her Godparents, Rose, Estelle and a friend from Lusaka.
Tim was born and his Christening was also very important to Ken and he chose Tim’s Godparents. Estelle and I think Bill
We moved to PE with IBM (I've Been Moved) and this was a difficult move due to Tim's struggle with pyloric stenosis as a tiny baby.
We moved back to Westville again and then Clare was on the way.
I wanted Ruth and Tim to go to Sunday School and hoped to go to church with Ken while they were there. Ken chose to read the Sunday papers in the car while I was in church.
(Clare was Christened in Westville, and Pat is her God Mother)
It did not seem right to go to church on my own as I remembered my promise on our wedding day and then, when Clare was born,
The season of waiting was almost over ...
I was yet to learn so much and Psalm 1 was to provide me with much to consider -
Meditating gives us time to draw life from God
Joy is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God
Joy is drawing water from deep underground streams
Meditation leads to fruit:
Deep thought = a tree is not a pipe (what can that mean?)
A pipe draws water in at one end and water comes out the other end
A tree draws water from deep and
what comes out at the other end: fruit
Meditate on the Word of God, Fruit of the Word of God: the Word becomes part of you and the Word becomes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness, self-control
Seasons of faith, each season has different growth
Woman at the well- connected to water, Jesus said I am the living water, offered the benefits of Psalm 1,
In Psalm 22 Jesus said I thirst
On the cross Jesus is experiencing complete absence of the water of Psalm 1
... So that we should delight in the Word of God
Jesus is the Word made flesh
I was yet to learn how to meditate on Jesus
I was yet to learn about the power of meditation
I was yet to ask the Holy Spirit to lead and help me
I need to remind myself that all the above could have eased those early years but seasons are part of life and all that went before helped us to learn about, to know and understand one another and to realize that in our own strength there was not likely to be any improvement in our walk with God or to become who God wanted us to be. We could therefore feel no pride when the change came as we knew it was only by the Grace of God that we could be saved and filled anew.
Then
there was a Michael Cassidy Outreach Mission at the P inetown Presbyterian Church.
Estelle and our neighbours Sheila S cheppening and Elaine W iley had chosen to pray for our family as part of the mission outreach. They had been encouraged to pray for a family they believed God wanted to draw to Him to be good Christians.
Clare was five days old and Ken had just told me that he had accepted a job in Cape Town and that we were to move away soon. I was devastated, I was not ready for a move, and I did not want to go. I cried all night and lost my milk. With three very young children under three and no support in Cape Town, I really did not have the strength to face another move. I desperately wanted to quietly stay in one place and mother our children without another major disruption of a move.
In the morning after Ken had left for work I went into the bathroom still crying and said a simple prayer to God to help me cope. I felt a flooding, and a wave of peace come over me. As I got out of the bath there was a knock at the front door, it was our neighbour Elaine.
She asked me how I was and my answer was that I was fine but added that had she asked me ten minutes earlier my answer would have been very different. She expressed a level of relief and joy which I did not understand (she had been praying for me at the time I had referred to)
Freely, freely you have received
I invited her in and within the first few minutes of her visit she had witnessed her faith in Jesus to me and she gave me a Christian booklet, Faith for Daily Living. She invited us to go to Michael Cassidy’s Outreach Service. I did not think it was possible to go because of our new baby, the issue of our move and Ken not being keen on church meetings.
Sheila came round later in the day and offered to baby sit for us and even suggested which dress I should wear. She does not acknowledge how important her friendly help that day was to me.I could not have got myself together without her help. My milk came back that day and I fed Clare with gratitude and in prayer.
I wanted to go to the mission outreach and Ken agreed to take me. He said that he would go because he knew it would help me to go.
Michael Cassidy preached really well and both Ken and I were touched by God.
This is Francis Chan with a similar message
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86dsfBbZfWs&feature=player_embedded#!
When the cards came round I ticked ‘re-commitment’ and Ken filled in ‘Í still have questions’. We stood up for prayer and were amazed at the joy displayed by our dear Christian friends as we came out of the hall and joined them again.
Create in me a clean heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjEpB2ikkuE&feature=related
THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF OUR WALK TOGETHER WITH GOD.
“I told the good news that you save us. You know that I will never stop telling it”.
Ps 40:9 GNB
It is one thing telling a message. It is another thing having a message to tell. When an American Presbyterian minister, Eugene Peterson, decided to translate the New Testament from the original Greek into a modern, colloquial form of English that common people would relate to, he entitled it, “The Message”. Every age has passed that same message on it its particular form and style of communication. From bishops in cathedrals to Salvation Army officers on street corners, the servants of God have sought to tell the world the message of God’s love, his saving grace, and his truth.
The writer of Psalm 40, skilled communicator that he was, had a message to tell. God had touched his life with grace and with beauty. The subsequent welling up of gratitude led to the pouring forth of praise and thanksgiving to God and to his sharing of his experience with other people gathered for worship in the temple in Jerusalem. He could not withhold from telling his story. And he had a good story to tell. He knew that he had touched the live wire of God’s power and glory. That happened in a short space of time. But what he had touched was eternal. The mercy of God was everlasting. His story about it had to go on.
It is still the heart of the Christian message, the Christian experience of God and the Christian community’s ongoing life. Christian disciples fan the flame of sacred love that keeps and repeats that message, for it is ever fresh and new in its relevance however many times it has been told before. Never stop telling it.
PRAYER THOUGHT Lord, let me never cease to tell the old, old story.
I thank God for all that is past and trust Him for all that is to come. God is good, He is so good to me.
We are saved By Grace Alone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6IxKa_Q4i0&feature=related
Our move to Cape Town with three tiny ones
We rented a big double story house in Campground Road which Margy McFaddyn helped to find..
A young mother of twins the same age as Ruth and Tim stopped by to welcome me and out of the blue she invited us to come to church with their family, which we did and found it good.
Ruth had an operation on her eye before Clare was born. She had developed an intermittent squint unexpectedly and we thought, as did the Durban specialist that one operation was all that she would need. But it became apparent after we arrived in Cape Town that she needed further attention. We found that there was only one hospital (Volks)that allowed mothers to stay in and the specialist who was based there turned out to be the best in his field in the country.
He suggested a corrective operation and then to give Ruth multi-bifoculs, which was a new idea that was designed to give the muscles of the eye constant exercise which in turn would help the muscles to keep the eye straight.
We found a house to buy in Victory Ave, Pinelands and I was determined to take Ruth and Tim to Sunday School.
My intention was to take them to the Anglican church in Pinelands, but on the way I looked in at the Methodist children happily going in to their hall and I noticed the colourful benches which to me were an indication of extra care given to the teaching of the Word to little ones. I remembered Shiela S heppening suggesting that Ken might be happier in a church that had less formality. I wanted our family to attend services together and felt I could change churches if Ken found the services in the Methodist church more meaningful
I parked and took the children in.
I'm in the Lord's Army
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU4FzA9KuNo&feature=related
We were welcomed by Aunty Bubbles who led the group and Jen Ferguson took Ruth and Tim into her group. They had a wonderful welcome which included birthday candles for any who had a birthday in the weeks They had a relevant time of prayer, sang delightful songs with great conviction and listened to the message which Ruth remembers was told with elaborate flannel pictures. They then did their handwork which was then put on display on their dividing boards. It was all so well organised with the children being in groups of 6-8 with moms teaching the groups, surrounded with laden screens which had all their artwork and well drawn attendance and birthday charts and other visual aids around them. They were greeted individually by name by Aunty Bubbles as they left with their moms.
Two songs that were favorites
Wide, wide as the ocean
http://youtu.be/0VuHpGFpMjY
Ruth remembers singing Jesus loves me this I know and it would have chosen the tune I have always sung but Abby introduced me to this version one night when I wanted to play the song for Tye
Jesus loves me this I know
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzKsCZFgur0
This little light of mine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCN893hzueQ&NR=1
(Before too long I was back into teaching Sunday School, something I had not done since leaving Potch.)
The next week on Tuesday I had the family dressed and ready to go to the library early and we were all in the front hall ready to leave when the door bell rang.
It was Barbara Clayton who had a daughter Emma of Ruth’s age and three other daughters Victoria, Jane and Lucy.
She was on her way to MMF (Mothers’ Morning Fellowship) and had been asked by Jen Ferguson to pop by and invite me to come to the meeting. I answered that I was going to the Mobray library for children's storytime and Barbara’s quick reply was that if I had three children dressed and ready to go out that early it must mean that I had been prompted by God to be ready to come to the MMF meeting and that she would give us all a lift in her little VV Beetle (in the days before car-seats were part of life for all families).
We went with her and this was the start of a lovely friendship for Ruth and Emma.
These photos were taken a few years later when they were in Sub A
The meeting Barbara took me to was a wonderful time of being part of a group of young mothers of children who were the same age as ours. The guest speaker was Trevor Hudson as a young man and he spoke of “Listening”.
We rented a big double story house in Campground Road which Margy McFaddyn helped to find..
A young mother of twins the same age as Ruth and Tim stopped by to welcome me and out of the blue she invited us to come to church with their family, which we did and found it good.
Ruth had an operation on her eye before Clare was born. She had developed an intermittent squint unexpectedly and we thought, as did the Durban specialist that one operation was all that she would need. But it became apparent after we arrived in Cape Town that she needed further attention. We found that there was only one hospital (Volks)that allowed mothers to stay in and the specialist who was based there turned out to be the best in his field in the country.
He suggested a corrective operation and then to give Ruth multi-bifoculs, which was a new idea that was designed to give the muscles of the eye constant exercise which in turn would help the muscles to keep the eye straight.
We found a house to buy in Victory Ave, Pinelands and I was determined to take Ruth and Tim to Sunday School.
My intention was to take them to the Anglican church in Pinelands, but on the way I looked in at the Methodist children happily going in to their hall and I noticed the colourful benches which to me were an indication of extra care given to the teaching of the Word to little ones. I remembered Shiela S heppening suggesting that Ken might be happier in a church that had less formality. I wanted our family to attend services together and felt I could change churches if Ken found the services in the Methodist church more meaningful
I parked and took the children in.
I'm in the Lord's Army
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU4FzA9KuNo&feature=related
We were welcomed by Aunty Bubbles who led the group and Jen Ferguson took Ruth and Tim into her group. They had a wonderful welcome which included birthday candles for any who had a birthday in the weeks They had a relevant time of prayer, sang delightful songs with great conviction and listened to the message which Ruth remembers was told with elaborate flannel pictures. They then did their handwork which was then put on display on their dividing boards. It was all so well organised with the children being in groups of 6-8 with moms teaching the groups, surrounded with laden screens which had all their artwork and well drawn attendance and birthday charts and other visual aids around them. They were greeted individually by name by Aunty Bubbles as they left with their moms.
Two songs that were favorites
Wide, wide as the ocean
http://youtu.be/0VuHpGFpMjY
Ruth remembers singing Jesus loves me this I know and it would have chosen the tune I have always sung but Abby introduced me to this version one night when I wanted to play the song for Tye
Jesus loves me this I know
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzKsCZFgur0
This little light of mine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCN893hzueQ&NR=1
(Before too long I was back into teaching Sunday School, something I had not done since leaving Potch.)
The next week on Tuesday I had the family dressed and ready to go to the library early and we were all in the front hall ready to leave when the door bell rang.
It was Barbara Clayton who had a daughter Emma of Ruth’s age and three other daughters Victoria, Jane and Lucy.
She was on her way to MMF (Mothers’ Morning Fellowship) and had been asked by Jen Ferguson to pop by and invite me to come to the meeting. I answered that I was going to the Mobray library for children's storytime and Barbara’s quick reply was that if I had three children dressed and ready to go out that early it must mean that I had been prompted by God to be ready to come to the MMF meeting and that she would give us all a lift in her little VV Beetle (in the days before car-seats were part of life for all families).
We went with her and this was the start of a lovely friendship for Ruth and Emma.
These photos were taken a few years later when they were in Sub A
The meeting Barbara took me to was a wonderful time of being part of a group of young mothers of children who were the same age as ours. The guest speaker was Trevor Hudson as a young man and he spoke of “Listening”.
The message was so right for me as I realized as he spoke that I had not been listening to Ken, he had much to tell me about his new job, new experiences and the new people he worked with. I realized that, being preoccupied with 3 children of 3 years and under I had taken to grunting an acknowledgement without retaining any of what he said, and I never encouraged further conversation, often with a nappy pin in my mouth and too much to do to take note of what he was telling me.
I met Gill Adlard that morning.
Trevor broke us into groups and we had to practice taking turns in talking and listening. He made it very funny but I knew I had to change my ways. When I got back home to Ken I was determined to tune in to what he was telling me and to take more interest in what he had to say to me. I needed to show Ken the respect he deserved. I found I was genuinely interested and amused by Ken's conversation and his ability to converse on every topic from politics to sport to his work while I attended to the needs of the children. I realize now that this was a key learning point that resulted in our love and respect for one another to grow to a higher and deeper level. Our marriage became more valuable to both of us.
Mother's Morning Fellowship became Family with one heart and one soul
The Potters House
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOKWOlKLlHk&NR=1
I thank my God in all my rememberence of you, always in every prayer of mine for you making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ
Trevor broke us into groups and we had to practice taking turns in talking and listening. He made it very funny but I knew I had to change my ways. When I got back home to Ken I was determined to tune in to what he was telling me and to take more interest in what he had to say to me. I needed to show Ken the respect he deserved. I found I was genuinely interested and amused by Ken's conversation and his ability to converse on every topic from politics to sport to his work while I attended to the needs of the children. I realize now that this was a key learning point that resulted in our love and respect for one another to grow to a higher and deeper level. Our marriage became more valuable to both of us.
Mother's Morning Fellowship became Family with one heart and one soul
The Potters House
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOKWOlKLlHk&NR=1
One afternoon Gill suggested inviting Ken to a course ‘Who is Jesus?’ that was being held at the church hall.
I answered for him and said he was very busy and was not likely to come. Gill was quite sure that the invitation should be made and I suggested that if she felt strongly she should ask Ken. The next thing we knew was that the four of us were off to the meeting together. I was delighted and then after the introduction to the course by Eric and his teaching we were divided into groups.
Ken went into Keith and Gill Evert's group. I was aware of the academic questions Ken would ask, those that were his stumbling block from his university days and those he had discussed with me when he filled in his questionnaire at Michael Cassidy’s outreach.
Keith and Gill were able to give adequate answers to his challenging questions with understanding, love and knowledge and when at the end there was an opportunity to pray, Ken was quiet and they offered to pray for him if he would give them his prayer request.
How lovely is your dwelling place
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=5PA18WV_1P0
Ken answered that his only prayer was for Ruth’s eyes to be healed. This was Ken’s first prayer of faith and we lived to see the blessing of Ruth’s eyes being perfectly healed.
Next step was the first time we went to church together as a family. We were not to know that it was Wesley Sunday and the service from start to finish was one wonderful Wesley hymn after the next.
And can it be
http://www.videosurf.com/video/and-can-it-be-that-i-should-gain-63866501
Oh for a thousand tongues to sing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LezdsDAr0-E&feature=related
The church choir was led by Jenny Ferguson’s husband Ron who was gifted musically and the singing was so hearty and full of life that Ken loved every moment of being there. Again we were warmly welcomed and felt accepted as part of the church family.
Guide me O thou great Redeemer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJCxt2DjZK0&feature=related
Love Divine
http://www.videosurf.com/video/love-divine-all-loves-excelling-130742828
Give me the faith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am_ZMcRLLcs&feature=related
Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx1eMwlDFb8&feature=related
How Great Thou Art
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKK3m9WOYuo&feature=related
Eric and Connie Pederson were each very important to the next stage of our Christian growth. Ken and Eric met regularly and discussed issues, prayed together and became good friends with mutual respect and understanding.
We both had individual times with them to discuss matters that were relevant to our lives.
Mine was that I had never dealt with my grief for my Dad with Jesus. I had struggled alone and had this huge knife turning in my middle causing the pain of grief to never leave me. It had been ten years but the pain was still there. Connie took me through the memories and included Jesus in all that happened and the pain was released. I experienced the presence of Jesus in that time with deep gratitude and came to a new understanding of life and death on earth and the life of joy that never ends that Jesus offers us .
That Easter the presence of God filled the church as Eric sang solo
Were you there when they crucified my Lord
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nFE3VSBWG0&feature=related
Ken was asked to be the adult in charge of the youth group. Dave Pederson was the Youth leader and they came to our house for their meetings and had their teaching and social time with Ken as their host. When it came to the camps at Franshoek, we had to come along again as adult hosts. I was involved in the planning and preparation of food and learnt a lot about cooking for large groups at that time. We had our caravan by then and the children had a wonderful time being loved by all the Christian teenagers.
We enjoyed going on Family Camps which were always a time of growth in fellowship and learning. The children were always in their element at these camps and relationships grew.
My God is so big
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VVXVv_AcAU&feature=related
M.M.F. meetings continued to be a time of valuable input. I remember being challenged by an older mother speaker who told us to pray for our children continually. She said that to lay hands on each child and pray while they were asleep was good because there were no other influences and distractions and the child who was sleeping was more receptive to God’s touch than if they were feeling impatient and needing to run around. She also told us to pray for the family as we prepared meals for them, to pray as we ironed the clothes of each, and to pray when we straightened their beds (they were still very young)
We were also introduced to the first of the Fisherfolk singers and from then on there was music and singing of worship songs in our houses with our children learning the songs and joining in.
Fill my cup Lord
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4l2yY2r95g&feature=related
The friends were all very kind and our children had a very happy time visiting their homes.
Our Bible Study was run by Ivan Shutte and the leadership was shared at times by others. Ivan had taught Sunday School with me at St Mary's while he was at boarding school at Potch Boys High and Sue was at Reith Hall at Teacher's Training College with me. They arrived in Pinelands when we did.
People in the group were: Gill and Gerry A dlard, Cindy and Gus F aull, Barbara and Chris C layton, their neighbour Joan P retorious, Carol and Cairns B ain, Jessie B lackshaw, Patty K oning, Us, an old lady friend of Gill called Joan who battled with her sight and the Ivan and Sue S hutte, later Estelle and Derek F lowerday joined us too.
There was a time when the group met at our home but then we settled at the Clayton's home when Chris came to faith. . Ivan was a good teacher and enjoyed the Serendipity method of sharing as we learnt. We learnt to share freely, to pray and to sing God's praises together as a group and we learnt to understand the message of love in the Bible. The bond of love in the group was tangible.
Gill and I had had long discussions on the scriptures we had read concerning the Holy Spirit. We had chatted to Petri and Carol who was helpful in bringing a deeper understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit.
We had a visit to the church by Carlos Ortiz who spoke of the progressive levels of enjoyment at the edge of a river: first the sight of it, then the paddling, just getting the toes and ankles wet, then up to the knees but feet firmly on the ground, then swimming, then launching out into the flow of the river and floating with it. He compared this with our faith in God. First as an observer, then paddling on the edges, then committing your life, then being involved in the work of the church of the Lord Jesus, then allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you.
He demonstrated the moment of giving your life over to God completely by jumping onto the altar and lying on it while he continued preaching.
This next bible study was meeting in the Adlard’s home and Eric Pederson had been invited to lead a love feast (communion). He spoke of the work of the Holy Spirit and of inviting Him into our lives and when it came to time for him to administer the bread and wine to me, I was filled to overflowing with laughter, joy, happiness, a conviction of God's glory and grace to almost bursting.
In those days there had never been any teaching on laughter and the Holy Spirit, I was receiving communion and felt I should be serious but I experienced such fullness of joy that I had no doubt that I was being blessed by the Holy Spirit right then. Again I can remember where I was standing and where Eric was at that moment. We were in a circle and he came round on the inside as he prayed.
That night at home I prayed in tongues for the first time. I prayed for this gift of prayer to praise God and to intercede for Ken in the times when I did not know how to pray. I knew without doubt that my heart had been strangely warmed, and in the years to follow I knew that my heart burned within me many a time, especially with the sudden need to intercede for someone.
Another visiting preacher was David du Plessis who was an intellectual and Spirit filled man came to Pinelands. His preaching meant a lot to Ken.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjlxdN7MxhQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXV4cogx_j8
Many years later I experienced a Holy Spirit inspired empathy and knowledge of Paul my nephew. I think of the time Rose and Will had not heard from Paul while he was travelling in Morocco, I was driving to work and suddenly had such a strong need to pray and tears flowed as I prayed and prayed for Paul. I phoned Rose and pleaded with her to find Paul urgently as it was so unlike him not to keep in touch. She did,she had been very concerned but unable to contact him. Then she contacted the both the SA and Swiss consuls in Morocco. She found he was hospital in a very bad way and immediately flew to Morocco to be with him.
I have been most grateful that I experienced this fullness with the Holy Spirit as I know I have a Counselor to encourage me on my walk with Him, to help me to pray for others and to help me recognize when I am not close enough to God. He has helped me to love Jesus and others with a deepening love.
When Shell moved us back to Durban and I felt so sad to be leaving the dear friends who were part of our Christian lives in Cape Town, Muriel Parker gave me a few scriptures which were very helpful to me and which I held onto.
The first was Joshua 1: 5-9 " Don't be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go."
The second was 1 John 4: 16-18 "There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment."
While we were in Cape Town we met up with this lovely kind Christian family and I learnt much from Adrianne about her walk in faith as a mother of children older than ours. I was aware of the love and respect that they shared in their family was at a level above any home we had been in before. I had much I wanted to learn and our friendship grew as we spent many weekends together walking and picnicking on the mountain. The children were loved and appreciated by both Emrys and Adrienne and grew into lovely young people under their care. The Rogers called the children their grand children. Gifts of kites, canaries and glow-in-the night spinning tops were given for Christmas with a lot of thought and care in the giving.
Adrianne gave me confidence to follow my conviction that I needed to learn more about God's Holy Spirit. She told me of her own experiences and encouraged me to read and learn more of Him.
There was a Pinelands group that evolved called Maranatha and the young couples who were part of the church would meet and have a corporate time of worship, prayer and teaching which was more on the work of the Holy Spirit than we did in our individual Bible Studies. Some very special evenings were shared. The Rogers joined us on those evenings.
Ivan went on to become a minister in the church, as did Joan. Gerry and Gill left Old Mutual and went into InnerCity Ministery with a restaurant as his meeting place and Barbara and Chris Clayton went to Israel as part of the Praying for Israel Mission. As a group we often thought of outreach but when the time was right, four of the families moved from Pinelands and that period of "milk fed learning" with that precious group of Christian friends was over. We had experienced 'God with us' through that time.
We left for Westville at the end of 1978 and Katharine was born in June 1979
Justine B ain was born that year, Ben A dlard within that year, Patty K oning had her daughter, Sue and Ivan had their daughter soon after and Cindy and Gus had their Kathryn a while later. So from this group of 10 families, 7 had afterthought babies within the next few years.
I never expected to meet up with them again in Cape Town. We returned within a short time of each other in 2009
Westville
On leaving Cape Town and the strong Christian support system which included the constant phone calls and pop in visitors who were always there to share the wonders of God’s hand in their daily life, it was a genuine shock to return to a life without these dear friends
I searched the Word for comfort and found myself reading all I could find on the subject of baptism. I felt a strong desire to be baptized. I was pregnant with Katharine, we were in the Westville Methodist Church with Ken leading the way with going off to an evening bible study with the Bolts and Allwrights while I was home with the children.
I knew that the concept of adult baptism was in those days an issue of great debate and disagreement in the churches and I did not feel inclined to have my desire to be baptized misinterpreted and thus to become a stumbling block to the growth of many others who may not have agreed with my conviction or have been at the place to accept or understand.
The more I researched the subject of baptism the more I longed to be baptized in obedience to the Word. I was getting progressively more pregnant and less inclined to make a public declaration of my baptism but also not inclined to wait for the months of my pregnancy to be over before being baptized. The churches were taking strong positions on the subject of adult baptism and I was not inclined to find someone from a neighbouring church to do what the Methodists at that time were not willing to do.
Praying through this over and over I realized that it was Jesus who baptized in the Holy Spirit and it was Jesus whom I wanted to baptize me and it was Jesus I would ask to baptize me. I found this a wonderful and precious thought and spent weeks preparing in reading the Word and praying.
When the time came I filled the bath as full as possible and then in repentance prayed as I allowed myself to go under fully to be baptized by Jesus and anointed in the Holy Spirit. What a beautiful experience and how blessed I was by the fullness of the Holy Spirit that came to me. Praise Jesus! Praise His Holy Name!
Since then I have learnt of the value of the public declaration of faith through baptism but for me at that time of my life, within a new community, my full immersion baptism was a private declaration of faithfulness and commitment to Jesus.
Ken went to a Bible Study with the Allrights and Bolts. At that time I was very pregnant with Kay and stayed home with the children. Katharine was born and Coral began to visit regularly and we soon started a Young Mothers group at the Methodist Church
The Wileys became close friends and invited us to join their Bible Study down the road and to go with them to the Presbyterian Church in Pinetown where there was some very good teaching. We met with some good friends and it was then that Dave and Estelle were in Hilton after Jean died. It was all a time of learning and we settled back to the Methodist Church in Westville.
I missed the friends in Cape Town sorely and was taken by surprise when there was another move, this time to Jhb.
Ken started work with Shell in Jhb and we needed to sell the house in Princess Anne Drive and buy another in Lombardy East. I would fly to Jhb each time Ken found a house that he thought might be right for us. I would take the children to school then dash off to the airport with Katharine as a tiny baby, feed her on the way and then get back in time to pick them up from Rose in the afternoon. The house we found was in Lombardy East.
Estelle’s sister Louise was in Lombardy East and we were welcomed by the family and told about their Methodist church that we could join. We took the children to the local school and got the uniforms sorted for the year. We were not to know that we would only be in L.E. for one year. The first term went reasonably well with Ruth and Tim settling in well in their new classes. Clare told me that she did not like her new school and that I was wasting my money by sending her. She told me she wanted to do ballet instead, with the money we saved, and that I could buy her workbooks to keep her busy every day. I was persuaded! I loved the ‘homeschooling’ opportunity of the day.
The next term came as a surprise as all the classes in the school had to follow a theme. This was witches, glamorising every aspect of what they did – for three months. I found this unacceptable and talked about to other mothers who I knew from the church. They agreed that we should speak to the headmaster about it and three of us went together for a meeting with him. As we got to the door they said to me that I should be the speaker for us. I felt strongly that this was an unsuitable theme for the school to be focusing on for a full term and managed to get a mild form of agreement from the headmaster that they would ease off, but of course many teachers had already prepared their term’s work. We had prepared before the meeting with a time of prayer while driving around the school together and then as the weeks went by I felt each day as I dropped Ruth and Tim off for school, led to continue in this time of prayer. The theme fizzled out!
Later in the year the teacher Ruth had, chose to give the class a detailed lesson on the act of lovemaking, from the perspective of an unmarried young woman who was in a relationship with an older married man. This time I went to the headmaster on my own and gave him all I knew on the subject of unhealthy teaching on a subject that was precious and designed by God for married couples to express their delight and love for one another and I told him that parents should have the exclusive right to teach their children the values they had chosen for their lives. The teacher lost her job within the week, and was replaced by a lovely L.E mother/teacher.
Ken had begun to feel that life in South Africa had limitations and longed to go back to Africa. He applied for jobs and was accepted for a wonderful job in Blantyre, Malawi. It took a lot of prayer and courage to agree and we decided to do a trip to England to see Ken’s family before going off to Malawi. This was a good time which the family all enjoyed.
The time in Blantyre was a time of deep prayer for me, where my prayer was that the JOY of the Lord would be my strength. I did not want to be miserable even though my natural inclination was to struggle with the move.
We stayed in the hotel and waited for the promised house. As we waited other aspects of unfulfilled promises about the job came to the fore and by the time six weeks had passed, and the children had had six weeks in school, we decided to leave and go back to SA before our furniture left SA for Malawi.
We had joined the Presbyterian Church in Blantyre and were touched by the multi-racial worship.
We traveled back via Zambia and experienced a most significant and wonderful miracle that came just months after the healing of Ruth’s eyes for Ken’s faith to again be reassured and built up.
The time in Blantyre was a time of deep prayer for me, where my prayer was that the JOY of the Lord would be my strength. I did not want to be miserable even though my natural inclination was to struggle with the move.
We stayed in the hotel and waited for the promised house. As we waited other aspects of unfulfilled promises about the job came to the fore and by the time six weeks had passed, and the children had had six weeks in school, we decided to leave and go back to SA before our furniture left SA for Malawi.
We had joined the Presbyterian Church in Blantyre and were touched by the multi-racial worship.
We traveled back via Zambia and experienced a most significant and wonderful miracle that came just months after the healing of Ruth’s eyes for Ken’s faith to again be reassured and built up.
We had intended to fill up with petrol as we left Malawi, and before entering into Zambia. When we arrived in the small town near the border there was no petrol at the garage and so we had no option but to continue on our journey, hoping that the next garage would be nearby.
I felt a variation of the children’s song welling up in me and I sang it silently as we traveled – Give us oil in our tank, keep us rolling, give us oil in our tank I pray. We stopped at each garage along the very long journey from Malawi to Lusaka in Zambia and found the same story at each – sorry, no petrol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilpKIMp6HVo&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilpKIMp6HVo&feature=related
By then the whole family was singing with me and Ken was doing the maths in his head to know just how long that tank of petrol had lasted beyond what was possible. Eventually we stopped at a garage within close range of Lusaka and found it had petrol for us!
What relief! This miracle was one that Ken often shared as he witnessed with all the details of distances and petrol consumption at his finger tips. I don’t remember these details but I do remember it being a mighty answer to prayer and that we were safe on arrival during a time of unpredictable behaviour by the Zambian’s who were armed with AK47s along the route.
We to back to Durban and stayed with Gran at 118 Nicolson Road until a job offer came up for Ken. I was teaching at Clarence Road to keep us going financially and then Ken got a job with a firm INFO that was introducing a computerized version of the Yellow Pages to SA.
This was going well when an offer came to Ken from Pinelands to join Alan and Alan's firm, a mail order concern for collectible elite goods.
Ken was not to know until we got there that they were in serious financial difficulties and it was too late for a turn around. Within a few weeks they were declared bankrupt. This came at a time when we had not much spare money to keep us going as we had had the trip to UK and the trip to Malawi and a long wait without a job. Ken was offered a job with the liquidators and worked there until the end of the year, when there were big decisions to be taken again.
Ken was taken very ill. This was the culmination of a year of uncertainty. The friends we had come to join in their work place had not told the full story of their financial position when they asked Ken to join their firm, and when their firm folded, there was no work for Ken. He was then employed on a temporary basis for the firm that did the liquidation of their business.
The church clearly did not recognize any reason to deviate from their high estimation of Alan Hardy but we could see his weaknesses clearly in the way he dealt with his employees.
Ken had phoned during the day to tell me of severe stomach pains. He insisted on finishing his day at work. On fetching him from the station, I saw the level of his pain and offered to take him to the doctor but he said he needed a lie down.
It was Christmas Eve. He could not find relief so we went to Dr Porter and his symptoms did not fall into any clear diagnosis. He gave us a prescription and I took Ken home before going out to Rondebosch for the medication.
When I got back Ken’s level of pain had shot right up and he was unable to take the pills. We phoned the Dr Porter and he had the specialist come round to the house. He was there in minutes and insisted that Ken needed to be admitted to hospital immediately.
I had our Christmas Eve roast in the oven, four children at home but the specialist said he needed me to come to admit Ken and should phone friends to come and look after the children. I phoned Emrys and Arienne Rogers and left with Ken before they arrived.
The operation was only done later that night. They found Ken had a twisted bowel which had gone gangrenous, and they removed 12 inches of small intestine including a valve into the large intestine. He was dangerously close to loosing his life.
Early the next morning we found we could not open our Christmas presents before seeing Ken. The front door of the hospital was locked but he was in a ward with a verandah. I lifted each child over one at a time to wish him a Happy Christmas. He was linked up to drips and he woke to tell them he was having his Christmas meal through the drip.
He said the nuns had come in singing and he thought he was in heaven.
We then went to the Christmas service at church before going home to open presents without Ken.
I went for a long walk along the canal on my own. I called out to God and prayed for Ken and our children and for our future. We did not know how Ken would recover as he had almost lost his life, where we would live as the lease was up, where we would find work and where the children would go to school.
Health, job, home and school were all at a T-junction and I needed assurance that we would be ok, that God was the Blessed Controller of all things and that He would see us right. I looked into the clouds and there I saw the face of Jesus. So real, so full of peace and assurance of his love for us that my worries fell away and I could again trust that in His timing all would be well. I walked home praising and exalting God for his powerful presence in our lives, for his love and care and knowledge that all would be well.
Which it was!
Psalm 23
... even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for thou are with me;
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you.
What a blessing
What comfort, in a time of such total uncertainty
Thank you, thank you Lord my God
The University job in Empangeni
We arrived with Ken weak and very thin. The result of the removal of the valve into the large intestine was that Ken suffered from violent diarrhea many times a day for the rest of his life. He never complained nor made an issue of those difficulties which were very unpleasant for him.
We lived in a university house in Anthony Crescent until we found a house of our own. We had decided this would be our last move and needed to be sure it was the right house for us. We kept looking at houses and not finding any that seemed right. Eventually I decided that one we looked at with a lovely garden would do, but Dad was not sure. I prayed privately that I would hear bells while I looked a second time, and I lingered hoping bells would ring. Nothing. Ken phoned to say he had heard of a house in Dunn Road that needed lots of work that we could look at when he had finished work for the day. I arrived with the family and while they ran around excitedly I started looking at all the work that needed to be done, feeling that Ken would dismiss the house immediately. I felt good about the house and began to pray in the totally empty house to hear bells again. Ken knew nothing of my strange prayer and so you can imagine how my heart leapt when as he arrived he rang the front door bell with vigour and called out like the TV Dinosaur program "Honey, I'm home". Only after Ken had decided that the repairs were possible for us to cope with and our offer to buy was accepted did I tell Ken of my prayer.
The family went to school and Gran came to live with us. Ken’s dad and Uncle John came for extended stays on two occasions, and then Tim went to boarding school. I found this very difficult but had to accept that it was not my choice to make. Tim wanted to go, and it seemed right to let him leave the school at Empangeni for a more English education than the one he was receiving from the very Afrikaans dual medium school in Empangeni.
I did not adjust well to the change to E mpangeni Methodist and felt that my new form of worshiping God would be in serving the children and teaching in the Sunday School.
Teaching by Francis Chan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGTzcf3tSJs&feature=related
I felt led to continue teaching all the time we were there with Carol Benfield playing the piano to the new Psalty tunes and both Ruth and Tim teaching really well with me. I was always amazed at their competence and easy manner in the way they taught the little ones
I always felt a confidence in the lesson that was to be taught each week. I enjoyed the preparation because it was a time of continued learning even though I was presenting the message to 6-8 year olds; I believed that they would hold onto what they had learnt for life.
Womans Aglo was a group I joined and enjoyed and I joined a prayer group with some of them at a time of concerted prayer for peaceful change in South Africa. I joined a Bible Study which met in our house for some time and then moved to Judy Barbour’s home. We had a group where sharing and praying for one another was very deep and real. Those times of fellowship were also times of learning and continued spiritual growth, for which am most grateful. Judy Barbour was a good teacher in our morning Bible Study and led really well.
An outreach came to the Methodist Church, a Lay Witness Group and Ken witnessed to one of the men in the church who always remembered and mentioned Ken in his testimony when he himself became a Lay Witness.
Shine Jesus Shine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDpzzqhBcCM&feature=related
I've Got the Joy Joy Joy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z29h7HUcJus&feature=related
Ken found the level of dishonesty in the finance section of the University very distressing and he applied to move to the University of N atal. I was sorry to leave the friends and the life we had enjoyed in Empangeni. We had a lovely home.
The move to Westville was difficult because the private sale of the house took long and finding a house in Westville was not easy with Ken, Ruth and Clare in rented accommodation. Gran was struggling with Alzheimer’s by then and needed a lot of extra care. We moved into K ensington Drive in May after a full school term of travelling up and down each week end.
Provision for our family to study at university Elsabe Stegan, a ballet mom asked me to come and help out at a school she was teaching at. They were short of a Grade 1 teacher and asked if I would come for a few days until they found another teacher. The headmistress was charging huge fees for tuition and I had 50 small Zulu children in my class. The classes were all in an upstairs store room type of building with NO walls to separate classes. When I asked for more readers and got a refusal, I realized she was in this for the money and not to help teach the children. It was that week that I got a call to come for an interview at the university of Natal. Ken and I had applied for a job for me at the library as we had thought the remission of fees that he would received at University of Zululand I could get in Durban. As months had gone by I had dismissed this job, but it was to be mine for many years. The job was at Killie Campbell and so many prayers were answered there. A lasting benefit was the remission of fees which meant that our 4 children were all given the chance to study for the degrees of their choice at no cost to the family. This was a huge blessing and we saw 8 degrees being paid by that perk.
We had bought a new VW combi which was heavy to drive and I was doing ballet lifts to Durban Tech. The curtains from the house in Empangeni had been used for a while by the family who had bought in Empangeni and they were returned at the beginning of the July school holidays. I took them out and they felt very heavy, but I wanted them up after this long wait to be settled. As I lifted them up I felt my back go, I sat and struggled to sit and felt my back go more, I had to fetch Clare and drove the Combi, I stood against the wall as I waited as I did not know what to do with the pain. I drove Clare back home but did not get out of the car, just drove to the physiotherapist at the W estville Hospital.
Pain
Then the op
Then the pain
And more pain
And more pain
I knew pain
And had to learn to live with pain
Because nothing
None of the doctors
Helped
In order to cope, I took too many pain killers on Ruth’s 21st, they worked, I worked
Years of pain, years of struggle,
Years of turning in bed as if I was heavily pregnant to avoid the pain of using my back
No walks with the family, no activity on the beach at Plett, pain in attempting short walks
No Drakensberg holidays when Roy visited on two occasions, no comfort in travelling to Game Parks with family and Roy.
And then …….
Was my faith strong? No
Was my expectation, that of any change? No
Was I strong? No
Then WHY ME?
Why heal me Lord when I was not in a good place with you? But you did!
It was Ruth’s final year of her degree at varsity and there was a church service she invited us to come to, a graduation of a Bible Course she had completed in their church.
The time of prayer was a time of people being slain in the Spirit and there was an invitation to come forward for healing. I was not inclined to go forward as I knew I could not "fall"but Dad put his hand on my back and asked if he could pray for me as the prayers were said.
I felt the most amazing lifting, lifting, lifting. My back was being lifted out of the pain. I felt new. I felt strong. I felt like moving, like stretching, like reaching up and down, I felt free of the pain that had held me from the time we had moved to Westville six years earlier. Free of the pain which had resisted all the many visits to brilliant back specialists and all the pain killers they had given me. Free at last.
I needed to thank the preacher for his prayers of faith but more than that I needed to thank Ken for placing his hand on my back in faith and allowing the healing power of Jesus to flow through him. I thank the Lord for my healing.
I am so grateful to have experienced something which up until then I had been skeptical of. I had not ever fully believed in modern healing services. Since Gareth’s death I found I could not teach about healing at Sunday School. I dodged those lessons during my time of shaken belief after unanswered prayer for his healing, and then … I was healed. Thank you, thank you, Lord God. Thank you.
God is so good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4enC172CU4&feature=related
A second and more complete and lasting healing came at a service held in the Durban Boys High School Hall with George I rvine. We were attending a normal communion service and my back was sore. We were booked to go to the berg with Roy and I was not able to travel with the family.
When we got to the front, Ken interrupted George I rvine quietly and asked him to pray for my back. I was again so surprised at the level of Ken’s faith for my healing. George put down the Elements, placed his hand on my head and prayed for healing and then continued with giving the communion. As if it was the most normal consequence of prayer, my back was healed and this time it was 20 years before my back hurt again, many, many years, and that was only because it sustained a sharp and unexpected twisted jerk while helping a grandchild to ride a bike. Thank you Lord.
After ten years of teaching Sunday school at Westville Methodist Church, John B orman was due to retire and the time for Ken and I to attend the morning service together seemed to have a new appeal. Ingbert arrived and Ken and I enjoyed his services. It was so good to attend services together, to share his interest in the message, to enjoy discussions of the service with Ken afterwards, to hear his strong singing of praise at my side, and to know the years of waiting for this time were over. I knew Ken had found a wonderful relationship with God. I was so grateful.
We decided to attend the Alpha course and this was a time of growth of friendship, fellowship learning and sharing.
The Alpha weekend was good and it was at the weekend we were asked to lead a Bible Study with a group of friends from Alpha. This Bible Study group was a group of dear friends who became very much part of our lives for many years.
Ken's illness was a time of adjusting to the unknown future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82nP4HIT68A&feature=related
Would all be well?
Were the best choices taken?
Was the best doctor right?
How to deal with grief while there was still life, but threatened life?
How to cope with Bill's relationship that seem to need attention at the wrong times
How to help best?
How, how, how and no answers
Very hard
When Ken was confronted with his life expectancy being limited dramatically, he found his faith in Jesus grow, his confidence in the ability of Jesus to heal him was total, but he was comfortable in accepting that his innings could be almost over
When the family had gathered for Kens last days, they sang and prayed in the lounge.
On the last Saturday, Ken asked the girls to go out to buy a cut glass rose vase for me as a gift from him.
He watched cricket with Joan and Tim in the afternoon and it was a good time for them.
Then when they had gone he had a huge bleed on the loo, a huge mass came away and he was very weak
He struggled to get to the side of the bed to hug me, to hold me while he told me how much he loved me. That he treasured me and that our parting was one of love and that I would always be comforted by that knowledge.
His breathing became laboured.
He told me that he did not know how to die, I said he would know when the time was right
He was content
He was peaceful and content
He died quietly and was at peace
The children came to his bed
Tim prayed aloud
He prayed beautifully
We were all still
We all knew Ken was loved by Jesus
We had no doubt he was with Jesus
The next morning Joel asked me to come for an early morning walk
We shared the early morning together
Over the next days, the next months
I read and read and read
I found I was still
I found I needed space
I found people I expected to understand did not
Those I did not expect to understand did
I did not want to move
I did not want to go anywhere
BUT
There was the trip to the Commonwealth Games in Manchester which Ken had booked and looked forward to by Ken and he had not expected not to be able to go.
Katharine said she would come with me, she was newly married, I could not go alone.
We traveled the route Ken arranged
We attended the events he booked
We visited his home town and walked down his memory lane
We came back to Joan and she had arranged a party
She had invited all Ken's cousins and family
I did not think I could come down the stairs to meet them
Katharine went down and came back to me to encourage me down
I knew they wanted Ken, I wanted him too
Eric gave a speech
And then I replied and spoke highly of Ken
I wanted his family to know
His family seem relieved to have time to remember him and come to terms with his death and I was grateful to have had this opportunity to share a time of closure with them
I was grateful to Joan and Eric for arranging the evening together
We left to came back home
Katharine to Andrew in Cape Town
and me back to work at Killie Campbell
After the trip I continued to be involved in leading a group at Alpha and out of that Alpha a second Bible Study started and met in our home. Those friends also have remained faithful friends over the years.
I attended Emmaus and then went back as a team member. That was a good time of quiet growth too. The accountability group met on a Saturday and I found that to be an important time of being together with very lovely people who were filled with openness.
This is a short clip of a woman with a story of her own decision to cling to the Almighty through cancer
http://www.crosswalk.com/video/faith-hope-and-cancer.html
I was determined to stay tucked in under the wings of the ALMIGHTY, to be protected by HIM until I could cope with life on my own. I went to a weekend meeting in Pmb and there found myself being faced with my new label – that of widow. I struggled so deeply with this and for the first time asked God WHY?? Oh it was hard.
I remember we were asked to look to nature to see what God the Father might be saying to us. I sat at the swimming pool and watched the dragonflies flit over the area of water, seemingly working hard without aim or purpose. I then looked up and high above was an eagle, effortlessly soaring with the wind. Oh what a sight it was and the message was clear – Do not flit like a dragonfly but soar with ME – with Jesus! The view is different from up here! You can see more of the picture of your life from this perspective.
Another view I had was the one of the abandoned tennis courts. As I sat and looked and prayed to Jesus for revelation, I saw the crumbling surfaces and the damaged nets and the falling fences and saw this as a warning of the untended life of being on your own. I then found myself lifting my eyes beyond the tennis courts and there were rolling hillsides, trees and colour of great beauty. I realized that I needed to lift my eyes beyond my label of being a widow and to gaze into the life of beauty with Jesus that God had in store for me.
I then walked along a garden path and stopped to look at a barren tree. No leaves, or fruit, but one red flower. Somehow this signified the blood, the sign of Jesus bleeding for us, being with us even when all seemed lost.
Further down were the two hibiscus flowers, cheerful and happy unexpected splashes of colour which spoke to me of Tim and Claudia's two boys bringing colour into my life, and being part of my healing.
Bill and forgiveness
What the cause really was I do not know.
What happened from my perspective was that when Tim and Claudia got married and I suggested that Tim move into 118, I did not recognize potential problems. Tim was starting out on his own as a psychologist and with few clients knowing about him we told him to pay Uncle Bill his portion of the rent until he could afford the full rent.
The day Ken was diagnosed with cancer we had the first encounter with Bill re selling the house. I was not interested in 118 on that day and may not have given Bill my full attention, I don’t know.
The next encounter was on the day that the biopsy was done, again Bill was insisting on selling the house. Again the timing was way out for me to handle with full attention.
The next encounter was the day the radiation treatment was to begin and so it continued, every encounter re 118 came on a significant day in the deterioration of Ken’s health. Bill became more insistent until it was quite unbearable. Ken tried to reconcile the issue but Sonja joined in with unexpected energy and we left their house with the words echoing in our ears that we were not to return.
Further recollections are still too painful to recall but the healing was amazing:
I knew I should forgive and move on. The rift had grown bigger and more intense, with not one visit in the first year of being widowed. In fact family gatherings were avoided by the Trotters if I was there!!
I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Each time trying to come to a place where I felt progress in the task of forgiving. Then one day I felt an answer come through clearly –
Invite them to a meal! Ok Lord, I will arrange to meet at a restaurant – no, invite them to a meal at your home, around your table, with Rose and Will!
That was what I did, in obedience, not easy but in obedience I did it, taking great care to do it all well. The evening came and went, with not one reference to me or how I was but with general conversation between the four that was of no consequence. Done! I felt I had done what I needed to do to show love to them even though no kindness appeared to come back to me.
The next day came my answer – from God a blessing beyond understanding.
My car needed a special service as it was making a noise and I could not get an appointment in town and needed to go to Gateway. As I traveled I became part of a dreadful traffic jam which took me 90 min to get to the garage. After leaving the car I decided not to go home as the traffic had been solid in both directions and I went to Gateway to bide the time until my car was fixed.
Who should I bump into but Bill and Sonja and they thanked me for the meal the previous night. They then asked me to join them for coffee at the Wimpy as they too were avoiding the traffic.
While we sat together my cell phone rang and it was the garage with the quote for my car. Bill overheard and asked about this and then became very involved in helping me find a better quote and he phoned round to find the right man. It ended up with Bill driving in front of me so that he lead me to and could speak to the man for me and get the job under way. I was most grateful to Bill but also very aware of God’s hand in the repair of this relationship. Since then there has never been any reference to the bad days nor has there been an recurrence of the bad vibes. I am so grateful.
I've got Peace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NlZO57W0eE&NR=1
Obedience to the Word = reconciliation and peace and joy and maybe wisdom too.
God wants you to have your own faith in himWe to back to Durban and stayed with Gran at 118 Nicolson Road until a job offer came up for Ken. I was teaching at Clarence Road to keep us going financially and then Ken got a job with a firm INFO that was introducing a computerized version of the Yellow Pages to SA.
This was going well when an offer came to Ken from Pinelands to join Alan and Alan's firm, a mail order concern for collectible elite goods.
Ken was not to know until we got there that they were in serious financial difficulties and it was too late for a turn around. Within a few weeks they were declared bankrupt. This came at a time when we had not much spare money to keep us going as we had had the trip to UK and the trip to Malawi and a long wait without a job. Ken was offered a job with the liquidators and worked there until the end of the year, when there were big decisions to be taken again.
Ken was taken very ill. This was the culmination of a year of uncertainty. The friends we had come to join in their work place had not told the full story of their financial position when they asked Ken to join their firm, and when their firm folded, there was no work for Ken. He was then employed on a temporary basis for the firm that did the liquidation of their business.
The church clearly did not recognize any reason to deviate from their high estimation of Alan Hardy but we could see his weaknesses clearly in the way he dealt with his employees.
Ken had phoned during the day to tell me of severe stomach pains. He insisted on finishing his day at work. On fetching him from the station, I saw the level of his pain and offered to take him to the doctor but he said he needed a lie down.
It was Christmas Eve. He could not find relief so we went to Dr Porter and his symptoms did not fall into any clear diagnosis. He gave us a prescription and I took Ken home before going out to Rondebosch for the medication.
When I got back Ken’s level of pain had shot right up and he was unable to take the pills. We phoned the Dr Porter and he had the specialist come round to the house. He was there in minutes and insisted that Ken needed to be admitted to hospital immediately.
I had our Christmas Eve roast in the oven, four children at home but the specialist said he needed me to come to admit Ken and should phone friends to come and look after the children. I phoned Emrys and Arienne Rogers and left with Ken before they arrived.
The operation was only done later that night. They found Ken had a twisted bowel which had gone gangrenous, and they removed 12 inches of small intestine including a valve into the large intestine. He was dangerously close to loosing his life.
Early the next morning we found we could not open our Christmas presents before seeing Ken. The front door of the hospital was locked but he was in a ward with a verandah. I lifted each child over one at a time to wish him a Happy Christmas. He was linked up to drips and he woke to tell them he was having his Christmas meal through the drip.
He said the nuns had come in singing and he thought he was in heaven.
We then went to the Christmas service at church before going home to open presents without Ken.
I went for a long walk along the canal on my own. I called out to God and prayed for Ken and our children and for our future. We did not know how Ken would recover as he had almost lost his life, where we would live as the lease was up, where we would find work and where the children would go to school.
Health, job, home and school were all at a T-junction and I needed assurance that we would be ok, that God was the Blessed Controller of all things and that He would see us right. I looked into the clouds and there I saw the face of Jesus. So real, so full of peace and assurance of his love for us that my worries fell away and I could again trust that in His timing all would be well. I walked home praising and exalting God for his powerful presence in our lives, for his love and care and knowledge that all would be well.
Which it was!
Psalm 23
... even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for thou are with me;
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you.
What a blessing
What comfort, in a time of such total uncertainty
Thank you, thank you Lord my God
The University job in Empangeni
We arrived with Ken weak and very thin. The result of the removal of the valve into the large intestine was that Ken suffered from violent diarrhea many times a day for the rest of his life. He never complained nor made an issue of those difficulties which were very unpleasant for him.
We lived in a university house in Anthony Crescent until we found a house of our own. We had decided this would be our last move and needed to be sure it was the right house for us. We kept looking at houses and not finding any that seemed right. Eventually I decided that one we looked at with a lovely garden would do, but Dad was not sure. I prayed privately that I would hear bells while I looked a second time, and I lingered hoping bells would ring. Nothing. Ken phoned to say he had heard of a house in Dunn Road that needed lots of work that we could look at when he had finished work for the day. I arrived with the family and while they ran around excitedly I started looking at all the work that needed to be done, feeling that Ken would dismiss the house immediately. I felt good about the house and began to pray in the totally empty house to hear bells again. Ken knew nothing of my strange prayer and so you can imagine how my heart leapt when as he arrived he rang the front door bell with vigour and called out like the TV Dinosaur program "Honey, I'm home". Only after Ken had decided that the repairs were possible for us to cope with and our offer to buy was accepted did I tell Ken of my prayer.
The family went to school and Gran came to live with us. Ken’s dad and Uncle John came for extended stays on two occasions, and then Tim went to boarding school. I found this very difficult but had to accept that it was not my choice to make. Tim wanted to go, and it seemed right to let him leave the school at Empangeni for a more English education than the one he was receiving from the very Afrikaans dual medium school in Empangeni.
I did not adjust well to the change to E mpangeni Methodist and felt that my new form of worshiping God would be in serving the children and teaching in the Sunday School.
Teaching by Francis Chan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGTzcf3tSJs&feature=related
I felt led to continue teaching all the time we were there with Carol Benfield playing the piano to the new Psalty tunes and both Ruth and Tim teaching really well with me. I was always amazed at their competence and easy manner in the way they taught the little ones
I always felt a confidence in the lesson that was to be taught each week. I enjoyed the preparation because it was a time of continued learning even though I was presenting the message to 6-8 year olds; I believed that they would hold onto what they had learnt for life.
Womans Aglo was a group I joined and enjoyed and I joined a prayer group with some of them at a time of concerted prayer for peaceful change in South Africa. I joined a Bible Study which met in our house for some time and then moved to Judy Barbour’s home. We had a group where sharing and praying for one another was very deep and real. Those times of fellowship were also times of learning and continued spiritual growth, for which am most grateful. Judy Barbour was a good teacher in our morning Bible Study and led really well.
An outreach came to the Methodist Church, a Lay Witness Group and Ken witnessed to one of the men in the church who always remembered and mentioned Ken in his testimony when he himself became a Lay Witness.
Shine Jesus Shine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDpzzqhBcCM&feature=related
I've Got the Joy Joy Joy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z29h7HUcJus&feature=related
Ken found the level of dishonesty in the finance section of the University very distressing and he applied to move to the University of N atal. I was sorry to leave the friends and the life we had enjoyed in Empangeni. We had a lovely home.
The move to Westville was difficult because the private sale of the house took long and finding a house in Westville was not easy with Ken, Ruth and Clare in rented accommodation. Gran was struggling with Alzheimer’s by then and needed a lot of extra care. We moved into K ensington Drive in May after a full school term of travelling up and down each week end.
Provision for our family to study at university Elsabe Stegan, a ballet mom asked me to come and help out at a school she was teaching at. They were short of a Grade 1 teacher and asked if I would come for a few days until they found another teacher. The headmistress was charging huge fees for tuition and I had 50 small Zulu children in my class. The classes were all in an upstairs store room type of building with NO walls to separate classes. When I asked for more readers and got a refusal, I realized she was in this for the money and not to help teach the children. It was that week that I got a call to come for an interview at the university of Natal. Ken and I had applied for a job for me at the library as we had thought the remission of fees that he would received at University of Zululand I could get in Durban. As months had gone by I had dismissed this job, but it was to be mine for many years. The job was at Killie Campbell and so many prayers were answered there. A lasting benefit was the remission of fees which meant that our 4 children were all given the chance to study for the degrees of their choice at no cost to the family. This was a huge blessing and we saw 8 degrees being paid by that perk.
We had bought a new VW combi which was heavy to drive and I was doing ballet lifts to Durban Tech. The curtains from the house in Empangeni had been used for a while by the family who had bought in Empangeni and they were returned at the beginning of the July school holidays. I took them out and they felt very heavy, but I wanted them up after this long wait to be settled. As I lifted them up I felt my back go, I sat and struggled to sit and felt my back go more, I had to fetch Clare and drove the Combi, I stood against the wall as I waited as I did not know what to do with the pain. I drove Clare back home but did not get out of the car, just drove to the physiotherapist at the W estville Hospital.
Pain
Then the op
Then the pain
And more pain
And more pain
I knew pain
And had to learn to live with pain
Because nothing
None of the doctors
Helped
In order to cope, I took too many pain killers on Ruth’s 21st, they worked, I worked
Years of pain, years of struggle,
Years of turning in bed as if I was heavily pregnant to avoid the pain of using my back
No walks with the family, no activity on the beach at Plett, pain in attempting short walks
No Drakensberg holidays when Roy visited on two occasions, no comfort in travelling to Game Parks with family and Roy.
And then …….
Was my faith strong? No
Was my expectation, that of any change? No
Was I strong? No
Then WHY ME?
Why heal me Lord when I was not in a good place with you? But you did!
It was Ruth’s final year of her degree at varsity and there was a church service she invited us to come to, a graduation of a Bible Course she had completed in their church.
The time of prayer was a time of people being slain in the Spirit and there was an invitation to come forward for healing. I was not inclined to go forward as I knew I could not "fall"but Dad put his hand on my back and asked if he could pray for me as the prayers were said.
I felt the most amazing lifting, lifting, lifting. My back was being lifted out of the pain. I felt new. I felt strong. I felt like moving, like stretching, like reaching up and down, I felt free of the pain that had held me from the time we had moved to Westville six years earlier. Free of the pain which had resisted all the many visits to brilliant back specialists and all the pain killers they had given me. Free at last.
I needed to thank the preacher for his prayers of faith but more than that I needed to thank Ken for placing his hand on my back in faith and allowing the healing power of Jesus to flow through him. I thank the Lord for my healing.
I am so grateful to have experienced something which up until then I had been skeptical of. I had not ever fully believed in modern healing services. Since Gareth’s death I found I could not teach about healing at Sunday School. I dodged those lessons during my time of shaken belief after unanswered prayer for his healing, and then … I was healed. Thank you, thank you, Lord God. Thank you.
God is so good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4enC172CU4&feature=related
A second and more complete and lasting healing came at a service held in the Durban Boys High School Hall with George I rvine. We were attending a normal communion service and my back was sore. We were booked to go to the berg with Roy and I was not able to travel with the family.
When we got to the front, Ken interrupted George I rvine quietly and asked him to pray for my back. I was again so surprised at the level of Ken’s faith for my healing. George put down the Elements, placed his hand on my head and prayed for healing and then continued with giving the communion. As if it was the most normal consequence of prayer, my back was healed and this time it was 20 years before my back hurt again, many, many years, and that was only because it sustained a sharp and unexpected twisted jerk while helping a grandchild to ride a bike. Thank you Lord.
After ten years of teaching Sunday school at Westville Methodist Church, John B orman was due to retire and the time for Ken and I to attend the morning service together seemed to have a new appeal. Ingbert arrived and Ken and I enjoyed his services. It was so good to attend services together, to share his interest in the message, to enjoy discussions of the service with Ken afterwards, to hear his strong singing of praise at my side, and to know the years of waiting for this time were over. I knew Ken had found a wonderful relationship with God. I was so grateful.
We decided to attend the Alpha course and this was a time of growth of friendship, fellowship learning and sharing.
The Alpha weekend was good and it was at the weekend we were asked to lead a Bible Study with a group of friends from Alpha. This Bible Study group was a group of dear friends who became very much part of our lives for many years.
Ken's illness was a time of adjusting to the unknown future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82nP4HIT68A&feature=related
Would all be well?
Were the best choices taken?
Was the best doctor right?
How to deal with grief while there was still life, but threatened life?
How to cope with Bill's relationship that seem to need attention at the wrong times
How to help best?
How, how, how and no answers
Very hard
When Ken was confronted with his life expectancy being limited dramatically, he found his faith in Jesus grow, his confidence in the ability of Jesus to heal him was total, but he was comfortable in accepting that his innings could be almost over
When the family had gathered for Kens last days, they sang and prayed in the lounge.
On the last Saturday, Ken asked the girls to go out to buy a cut glass rose vase for me as a gift from him.
He watched cricket with Joan and Tim in the afternoon and it was a good time for them.
Then when they had gone he had a huge bleed on the loo, a huge mass came away and he was very weak
He struggled to get to the side of the bed to hug me, to hold me while he told me how much he loved me. That he treasured me and that our parting was one of love and that I would always be comforted by that knowledge.
His breathing became laboured.
He told me that he did not know how to die, I said he would know when the time was right
He was content
He was peaceful and content
He died quietly and was at peace
The children came to his bed
Tim prayed aloud
He prayed beautifully
We were all still
We all knew Ken was loved by Jesus
We had no doubt he was with Jesus
The next morning Joel asked me to come for an early morning walk
We shared the early morning together
Over the next days, the next months
I read and read and read
I found I was still
I found I needed space
I found people I expected to understand did not
Those I did not expect to understand did
I did not want to move
I did not want to go anywhere
BUT
There was the trip to the Commonwealth Games in Manchester which Ken had booked and looked forward to by Ken and he had not expected not to be able to go.
Katharine said she would come with me, she was newly married, I could not go alone.
We traveled the route Ken arranged
We attended the events he booked
We visited his home town and walked down his memory lane
We came back to Joan and she had arranged a party
She had invited all Ken's cousins and family
I did not think I could come down the stairs to meet them
Katharine went down and came back to me to encourage me down
I knew they wanted Ken, I wanted him too
Eric gave a speech
And then I replied and spoke highly of Ken
I wanted his family to know
His family seem relieved to have time to remember him and come to terms with his death and I was grateful to have had this opportunity to share a time of closure with them
I was grateful to Joan and Eric for arranging the evening together
We left to came back home
Katharine to Andrew in Cape Town
and me back to work at Killie Campbell
After the trip I continued to be involved in leading a group at Alpha and out of that Alpha a second Bible Study started and met in our home. Those friends also have remained faithful friends over the years.
I attended Emmaus and then went back as a team member. That was a good time of quiet growth too. The accountability group met on a Saturday and I found that to be an important time of being together with very lovely people who were filled with openness.
This is a short clip of a woman with a story of her own decision to cling to the Almighty through cancer
http://www.crosswalk.com/video/faith-hope-and-cancer.html
I was determined to stay tucked in under the wings of the ALMIGHTY, to be protected by HIM until I could cope with life on my own. I went to a weekend meeting in Pmb and there found myself being faced with my new label – that of widow. I struggled so deeply with this and for the first time asked God WHY?? Oh it was hard.
I remember we were asked to look to nature to see what God the Father might be saying to us. I sat at the swimming pool and watched the dragonflies flit over the area of water, seemingly working hard without aim or purpose. I then looked up and high above was an eagle, effortlessly soaring with the wind. Oh what a sight it was and the message was clear – Do not flit like a dragonfly but soar with ME – with Jesus! The view is different from up here! You can see more of the picture of your life from this perspective.
Another view I had was the one of the abandoned tennis courts. As I sat and looked and prayed to Jesus for revelation, I saw the crumbling surfaces and the damaged nets and the falling fences and saw this as a warning of the untended life of being on your own. I then found myself lifting my eyes beyond the tennis courts and there were rolling hillsides, trees and colour of great beauty. I realized that I needed to lift my eyes beyond my label of being a widow and to gaze into the life of beauty with Jesus that God had in store for me.
I then walked along a garden path and stopped to look at a barren tree. No leaves, or fruit, but one red flower. Somehow this signified the blood, the sign of Jesus bleeding for us, being with us even when all seemed lost.
Further down were the two hibiscus flowers, cheerful and happy unexpected splashes of colour which spoke to me of Tim and Claudia's two boys bringing colour into my life, and being part of my healing.
Bill and forgiveness
What the cause really was I do not know.
What happened from my perspective was that when Tim and Claudia got married and I suggested that Tim move into 118, I did not recognize potential problems. Tim was starting out on his own as a psychologist and with few clients knowing about him we told him to pay Uncle Bill his portion of the rent until he could afford the full rent.
The day Ken was diagnosed with cancer we had the first encounter with Bill re selling the house. I was not interested in 118 on that day and may not have given Bill my full attention, I don’t know.
The next encounter was on the day that the biopsy was done, again Bill was insisting on selling the house. Again the timing was way out for me to handle with full attention.
The next encounter was the day the radiation treatment was to begin and so it continued, every encounter re 118 came on a significant day in the deterioration of Ken’s health. Bill became more insistent until it was quite unbearable. Ken tried to reconcile the issue but Sonja joined in with unexpected energy and we left their house with the words echoing in our ears that we were not to return.
Further recollections are still too painful to recall but the healing was amazing:
I knew I should forgive and move on. The rift had grown bigger and more intense, with not one visit in the first year of being widowed. In fact family gatherings were avoided by the Trotters if I was there!!
I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Each time trying to come to a place where I felt progress in the task of forgiving. Then one day I felt an answer come through clearly –
Invite them to a meal! Ok Lord, I will arrange to meet at a restaurant – no, invite them to a meal at your home, around your table, with Rose and Will!
That was what I did, in obedience, not easy but in obedience I did it, taking great care to do it all well. The evening came and went, with not one reference to me or how I was but with general conversation between the four that was of no consequence. Done! I felt I had done what I needed to do to show love to them even though no kindness appeared to come back to me.
The next day came my answer – from God a blessing beyond understanding.
My car needed a special service as it was making a noise and I could not get an appointment in town and needed to go to Gateway. As I traveled I became part of a dreadful traffic jam which took me 90 min to get to the garage. After leaving the car I decided not to go home as the traffic had been solid in both directions and I went to Gateway to bide the time until my car was fixed.
Who should I bump into but Bill and Sonja and they thanked me for the meal the previous night. They then asked me to join them for coffee at the Wimpy as they too were avoiding the traffic.
While we sat together my cell phone rang and it was the garage with the quote for my car. Bill overheard and asked about this and then became very involved in helping me find a better quote and he phoned round to find the right man. It ended up with Bill driving in front of me so that he lead me to and could speak to the man for me and get the job under way. I was most grateful to Bill but also very aware of God’s hand in the repair of this relationship. Since then there has never been any reference to the bad days nor has there been an recurrence of the bad vibes. I am so grateful.
I've got Peace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NlZO57W0eE&NR=1
Obedience to the Word = reconciliation and peace and joy and maybe wisdom too.
He wants you to be willing to learn of Him
He wants you to be willing to know Him
This is how your soul works in relation to your head
'My chains fell off, my heart was free'
God wants our will to know His will, then we will know Him and love His truth.
The new birth is the birth of the heart that wants to praise God.
The heart of the law is to Love the Lord your God and love your neighbour as yourself.
Being alone with nobody but God for a season of your life is the single best thing that can happen to you – you get to know God for who He is
Rooted and grounded in His love
Amazing Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMCOyY0Rlus&feature=related
